Torn between the two: depart or remain?
In the letter to the Philippians, Paul confesses he is torn between the two options about his life: to live or not to live?
But the reason of his dilemma is different from what we could easily imagine, He is not thinking of killing himself, or struggling to survive: for he is not detained and his life or death on the earth would be chosen by the governor's judge (we are not sure who exactly the governor was), and at last, God will make all the things go.
He yields all to God, but he is not playing around. He must do anything based on whether he is going live, or die. What to pray, how to teach, what& how to prepare. His followers must know which he really wants. Therefore, he made up his mind, to know which is now "better" to advance the gospel: to live or to die. And he got the answer. It is better that he should live and return to his followers, to work together again,